valentines day is the coolest

so things are going ok... really really really busy with school and fraternity stuff... i dont understand how the VP ends up doing the most work in the spring semester... something needs re-working in our constitution cause i'm about to go nuts. they want me to pull off a national champion window display project, and organize composite pictures for both fraternities? and make a new class website...? and maybe... learn how to be a pharmacist sometime in there too.. go figure. i got out and walked today... first time i've been walking since november, and i think i am actually alittle sore... FROM WALKING... isnt that crazy? i mean... yikes... thats ok... i'll get better at it... "oh how the mighty have fallen" you might say about my mobility situation, BUT, i just got some new special shoe inserts from the Doctor, and they should level my hips out and theoretically fix everything in time... so thats great... (thats why i went walking, helps to get everything pounded in the right way)...

been haning out with Aryan alot recently... he has been going though a very similar situation as myself girl-wise and we are able to encourage eachother... kinda like a forrest and bubba situation "you lean against me and i lean agaist you and we wont have to sleep in the mud" kinda deal... so thats been good... jesse finally returned my call after a month of me waiting for that... no big deal... not much has really happened in the world of scott in the last 30 days... i think i honestly miss undergrad... kinda in the way that when you first get to undergrad you really miss everything from high school and how no doubt when i get out of here i'll miss pharmacy school... there are people here in school who are actually clinically depressed and got that way after moving here to memphis to go to school... and they actually have these special hotlines we can call when we are feeling at our wits end, i remember when they told us about that at orientation and i was like "why are they pushing all this counseling stuff on us? why would people have more of an emotionally difficult time here in professional school than in undergrad? that seems flip flopped..." beats me... but thats not me, i'm cool, i'm good and i'm really doing ok, i just think its tough that other people are having such a hard time... i could name afew pretty easy... but things are gonna be just fine...

the phrase that goes something to the effect of "Everything changes, but everything stays the same" is something i've been thinking about lately... i remember how my perceptions were in undergrad... i remember thinking, ok, i'll get out of here and go to pharmacy school, and i'll have things figured out, there are 70% female classes, and thats a no-brainer... but really, everything has stayed the same... there are still people who think they are cool and buy excessively expensive clothing and wear sun glasses and sit in the back and talk... there are still jocks, there are still drama queens, there are still outcasts, there are still people who are really insecure... and i dont know why i thought pharmacy school would CHANGE that... we are all still people and we are all unique and have our own set of abilities, skills, problems, challenges, personalities... and we are going to be like that even when we get out... sure there's a mold to fit, but i'm just amazed at how really... little has changed from high school, and in another sense, EVERYTHING has changed... but despite the changes, we all have the same dynamics- so here is the message i take for myself... i keep looking to a time in the future and say "you know when i get there, things will be better, i'll be happier, and everything will just work out"... i mean... in high school that time was UTK, at UTK that time was Pharmacy school, and in pharmacy school, that time is being a pharmacist... whats the point? Time ITSELF doesnt change things, people change things... i cant expect the mere passage of time to be the agent of change in my life, it sounds so silly, but thats really something that when it boils down to it... i think and have thought for a long time... i just didnt realize thats what i was thinking until recently... but now i'm here... i'm at that point where 4 years ago i would have told you everything will be easier, and i'll be more comfortable with myself... but the agent of change needs to be my inner self, not other PEOPLE, not TIME, not a DEGREE, or College...... those things come together to make me who i am, but they should not be the driving force for my internal development as a person.