nice'ta meecha!

[songs I’m listening to at the time inserted in these brackets and in italics]

Hey there… [third eye blind: blinded] I’ve really seemed to have a problem blogging these last few months… why? I’m not really sure- I think part of it is the being a pharmacist thing… it’s like… if I have a thought that I don’t think a pharmacist should have: “I feel uncertain about ____” for example… I just assume I shouldn’t really have that thought and ignore it- if I think of something in blog form and find something about it that seems un pharmacist-like I just don’t write it… the truth and what must be painfully obvious to everyone is that me being a pharmacist doesn’t really change anything about ME at all. I’m the same! Some things about me have changed… the ‘what I DO’ has certainly changed in a big way… but the ‘who I AM’? That’s exactly the same. I was somewhere and a guy was talking about how he didn’t understand why his girlfriend of 2 years broke up with him… “I’ve got a great job- it’s very stable- I have a good profession (I’ll give him that- it was)- WHY would she ever leave me?!”… and I’m thinking… “dude… what does your job have to do with anything in this situation? She left because of you, not your job… it doesn’t matter…” and I paused to myself “it… doesn’t… matter”- light bulbs coming on—how did I live for so many years thinking that it did? It’s a means to an end- and there are lots of good things about it- but seems like that should be the last reason, or not a reason at all, that anyone would like or dislike me… that was about 6 months ago and that whole concept has really sunk in- and I think I’ve been thinking more clearly because of it. [Vanessa Carlson: white houses…. Yep] There have been plenty of times that I’ll be out somewhere and someone will ask what I ‘do’ and I’ll say “I work at Target” and just leave it at that-if they feel that they need to know more I’ll tell them, but lots of times they don’t feel like they need to know more… I’m proud of what I do, but I’m trying to liberate my image from this title- I’m not what I do. I’m Scott: a Christian, a DCI fan, a member of the volunteer nation, a friend, son, brother, a thrower of Frisbees, a lover of cats, a tuba player, a Tennessean… nice to meet you.

[Some Weezer songs from 2005 that I don’t know the names of…]I’m going to Gatlinburg with the family for 2 days (I have to come back early for work)… Justin Wiser is living with me until late Feb. He called me up a few weeks ago and asked if he could… I gotta be honest, a BIG part of my logical side said “no no… no!”, but I still said “sure” … I do have a problem saying no. (kind of the opposite of the movie I saw with Jim Carrey tonight…)—I was enjoying living by myself- but I thought about it the other day, some of the BEST times of my life have come sharing VERY tight spaces with other people- coincidence? It could be, it really could… but the parts of my life that I look back and say “ that was a good period of time/ trip/ vacation/ living situation” those times involve me sharing my personal space with other people- I mean… summer 2003 I LIVED and SLEPT on a bus next to a large hairy (nicknamed “sweater-vest” because of his body hair) guy who smoked and cussed constantly… best summer of my life… I really liked living in Andy Holt- sharing a bunk-bed with Josh Hunter and that same room non-bunked with Scholes… best YEAR of my life… sharing ONE small bathroom with 3 other guys… sharing everything—why should I hesitate about sharing a 4-bedroom, 2.5 bath house with ONE other guy? I think that would be selfish of me… my reasoning was and still is that maybe the good that he will get out of this living situation will outweigh the bad of adjusting to another person in the house… and he mostly stays out of the way- and he’s working on the smoking thing… at least it’s not in the house. We’ve even been playing video games and watching some movies- which I can tell you is, even though it might not seem like it on the surface, much better to do with another person than by yourself—it’s almost like old times- minus the late night walks down to the high school

Gotta go—any requests for topics? Questions? Are any of you still able to access this blog? I’ve changed the settings to not let it be searchable from google—so you can only get here if you already knew the address--- (it would be helpful if those of you who read this post some sort of comment to the effect of “I’m still reading”)--