looking

yellow... scott here... well things are going ok. Just got back from a family trip to the mountains and that all went well. I can tell everyone is really sorry for my leg being banged up like it is... they havnt seen me in a long time so they didnt really know to what extent i was injured or if they did know before they just assumed i would have been better by now... which i think is a decent assumption considering the fact that i am 23 years old... (for another few days atleast)... but alas... just got some very interresting XRAYs back from the chiropractor that show my hips are on a tilt- the top of my right pelvic bone is 17mm lower than the top of my left... also the head of my right femur is almost touching the inside of the socket, which explains much of the limited range of motion... he seems optimistic that i can be fixed, BUT- i've gotta go to memphis in afew days and try to find someone down there who can do the same thing for me... this guy has checked me out after 4 doctors and 2 physical therapists couldnt really give me anything more that a guess... seems kinda crazy to me... i dont really know how to feel about this anymore... its not a "oh it'll get better soon" kind of problem any more... its a "will i ever be able to be normal again?" problem... unfortunately... but hey... todd says he will pick me out a good wheel chair! how nice of him.but hey... other than that, things are just GREAT... and by GREAT i mean i mean NORMAL... and by NORMAL i mean... i feel akward and shy around girls like my regular old scott self from highschool again... isnt that crazy? i remember i used to have so much trouble with that in the past and then i got over it, and now this feeling insecure about the whole mandy situation has manifested itself in several really horrible ways... i was actually at church talking to some girl 4 years younger than me and she basically didnt give me the time of day and then looked at me and said "you are really uncomfortable talking to me, arnt you?"... and i was like thinking "wow... and she is just a friend... imagine if i had actually liked her in any way"... why is my natural form clumsiness, shyness, and an absolute lack in self confidence? i mean... i dont really have any reason to feel crappy about things... i know what it is... its how i view my phyiscal self... i've always felt ugly, even when i look back and can clearly see that at the times i was feeling that way i was not, in actuality ugly, but then i think, "that was back then... i've gotten uglier now"... and HONESTLY, i am really thinking that right now... you might say "thats crazy" and i might agree... but the whole not running, getting out of shape thing has really really thrown a loop in the progress that i THOUGHT i had made with mandy... oh well... too late. oh and the Doctor today told me that i probably shouldnt go on walks now too... so that seems promising... in a bad way! schweet