'how to save a life'

...yeah that new song from 'the fray' (well i guess its been out for a month or two)- i like it- i'm always partial to groups who put piano in their songs where you can actually hear it..

back to reality- finally... after a 23 page test over Oncology and Women's health that took the better part of my morning... its so weird how pressure/stress can make everything feel so different... i mean this time yesterday i was just walking under a rain cloud all day- anything i did that WASN'T studying made me feel so guilty for not studying... "why am i checking my email?! i should be studying!!" (dont even get me started on facebook... !)... aryan and i havnt actually sat down and watched a movie in 2 weeks because of this stupid test... so now i've got a good stock built up from netflix (oh yeah)...

i've had 2 presentations so far this semester- one was a 15 minute presentation over invasive antifungal resistance and i think that went really well... the guy with his PharmD and PhD used the words "excellent" and the phrase "i couldn't have said it better myself, and i'm the expert" to describe my little talk... so that really was a confidence booster... cause i was alittle nervous going into the presentation... and aryan says i've been gloating ever since... and maybe he's right!
my first patient presentation went pretty well too, it actually ended up lasting about 40 minutes give or take- we did a couple of basic introductions and what not at the hospital, and by the time the 5 (yes, 5) preceptors and p4s were done asking me questions it was 2:15, and the class started at 1:00 pm... you kinda lose track of time when you're trying to defend the fact that you know something about what you're talking about to people who know twice as much as you do and have known it for years longer than you have... but it went well i think... i can think of several things i could have done better, but i think i atleast mildly exceeded her expectations... its a good feeling i think... but then again- i got lucky on one of my recommendations, next week i might not be so fortunante-?

i dont have all the answers, i dont really know what's best all the time, i wonder if i could even say 'most' of the time... i'd like to think i do, but where i'm at now- there's still a fair amount of uncertainty about several things- you know that feeling- like you're just a pawn in the game of life and that your decisions either dont matter or have already been made for you... i would have liked to think that being 24 i could say that this feeling was less familiar than 21, 18, 16? but i don't know sometimes... hard to say...


(in other news i swam 40 laps (80 lengths) today which is about 1 and 1/7 miles- boo ya)