its my party... i can be happy if i want to...

Yes I'm still here.... And alive. The cruise was GREAT... I really did enjoy it. I'm getting a lot of retroactive enjoyment just thinking about it. It was nice to get to hang out with my relatives¡K they are all really fun people and I felt bad because one of the nights everyone was up top dancing, and well... I really didn't want to dance¡K and I might have seemed antisocial ...

I've been running a lot and I feel like I¡¦m in great shape¡K this afternoon after I ran I was right at 170 which I haven¡¦t weighed since this past summer with the bluecoats...

OK
... There is some slightly big news… and I really hesitate to put in on here… but I want to write about it… Josh-Jesse I haven't told either of you because 1- you just got back today- and 2- there wasn’t a good time at your house tonight… everyone else who I haven't had a chance to tell, you probably wouldn’t have a problem with just reading it on here… so that’s what you are gonna have to settle for…


Anybody know Mandy from Mt. Juliet? Plays trumpet? Is the valedictorian of her class? Red hair? (she actually has a picture that is like 2 or 3 years old in my ”cool pictures¡” section- its her and Laura… Very Smart, Very pretty, and Very talented?... ok got her? Well let me give you the run-down… I like her- she likes me… that’s probably the best way I could describe what is going on now… I really don’t like to use all the titles that people use about relationships… because really… I think I’m getting too old for that. I don’t really know exactly what else to say… we’ve been spending a lot of time together the last few days… and its been great. I actually kind of miss her right now- she is with her friends for a new-years party. I think things are going just great, and we are having a lot of fun together… I just cant get enough of her smile, her (really high pitched!) laugh, or her flippy hair!... I wouldn’t say I feel like I’ve found someone I don’t deserve, because I do think I deserve to like and be liked by someone like Mandy… its just I think that most or all of the girls that have come before her couldn’t really hold a candle to her quality as a person/girl/romantic interest… there is just something special about Mandy, and you don’t have to spend much time around her to figure that out… so I’m feeling pretty good… its actually kind of not fair because she doesn’t have a online journal thing like this and I know she can read this… and I don’t have something of hers to read about what she is thinking!
… sometimes I have trouble reading her… but I think I have a problem reading girls in general… its not my forte’. I wouldn’t say she needs to me more obvious about things, because she certainly isn’t elusive in the slightest bit… but I think my impaired sense of girl-reading needs some help sometimes! I’ve actually been experiencing some random weird side effects because of her like… impaired ability to sleep sometimes, loss of my normally large appetite…I feel like my mind is cleared but clouded all at the same time… and I have a general sense of nervousness… but its NOT nervousness… its just very similar to that… there is nothing for me to BE nervous about because I know she likes me and I know things are going great… so I don’t know¡…I feel it in my stomach sometimes… its like I’m gonna have to get up and do some kind of public speaking presentation… or at the piano recitals I had to play… but its not nervousness… I know that much… OK well I’m totally beat from my very long day… its almost 3AM now… it is my birthday today¡… that’s fun… I feel like I’ve already got a really cool present… so I cant lose! Later